He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
