oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
