Cold hands, warm shart.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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