Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
