I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
