Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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