you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
