my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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