On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
