he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
