I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize