I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize