Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
