Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
