he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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