i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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