Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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