i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
