So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
