Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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