I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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