So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
