ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
