Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
