It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just had sex bonerless
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
