Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
