Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
