don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize