it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
