My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
