Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
