I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
