I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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