I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
