If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
