He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
