Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
