Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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