The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
