sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
