If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
they need to just BURY HIM!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
