i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
