You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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