Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
