You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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