We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
