nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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