Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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