In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
