Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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