that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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