Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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