Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
