I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is wine microwaveable?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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