I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
