This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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