Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
