hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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