Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
