i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
