i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
