i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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